Day 4- Beginning to Feel It

My shins hurt. They tell me they're shin splints. Which I recognize, but they don't hurt that bad, so I really have to option but to push on. My energy reserve is doing ok, though yesterday felt better than today in terms of the amount of energy I felt I was able to offer.

In this 45 minutes that I have to do whatever I want, I'll bring you up to date on this set of posts that will combine to form my blog for the school year of 08'-09'. While they may or may not change from the perspective of the reader, I feel as though I will be approaching them differently than in the past.

As a Resident Advisor at Western Washington University, I am a university employee. This means that what I write could be taken to reflect the school's philosophy of engaging students. I must stress that I will not be writing much about my job. I am not an RA all the time, and as such, I will take off that hat when I approach a subject or idea that I feel is worthy of discussion. Yes, I will likely have some awesome stories come out of this year. This blog is not where you will find them. So I'm doing my best to reflect my feelings and thoughts as an individual, which is what I tried to do in the past, but I just have to be extra careful that I'm not sharing any information other than what is not mine to share.

So, at the beginning of the 08'-09' school year, this is where I'm at as a person. I had an amazing summer that profoundly influenced the way I view things. As I walk the bricks paths in my bare feet, I feel different. Somehow more aware. More likely to challenge things that I feel are misrepresented (within the context of a personal conversation.) And more uncertain than ever about what I'm supposed to do with myself. I feel as though since I don't know where I'll end up, I have nothing specific to do with my attention. Everything in me wants that "something." In a way, I feel somewhat lost in it all. I imagine this is a common feeling with college seniors, but I feel as though have nothing to pursue.

This sentiment explains the title of this string of posts that will comprise my blog this year. I have no idea what my future holds. And no idea of what I've been called to do other than love God and others. As classes begin, I will get much desired structure and hopefully a little more down time.

Fear is my enemy. If I give in to complacency and the fear of failure, I lose nothing but that which I would have gained, and nothing is gained but a false sense of security, as well as a victory for the evil one, who would like nothing more than to keep me from loving God and people to the fullest. Trying becomes what matters. So even if I fail, I will eventually succeed at something, as long as I give it everything I've got.

And now, I get to go learn about "self-authorship" or something. Which basically amounts to sitting in a classroom for the next two hours.

Oh, I'm ready to be done with this training thing already.