Day 50...

Was sorta tiring. I'm sleepy, and have a lot of stuff that I should do tomorrow. The week is halfway over, which is sorta sad, because I'm running out of time to do life. The job thing still needs to happen.

Had some very good conversations with people today, one with a friend in an elevator (RANDOM place to sit down and have a conversation, but incredibly entertaining) and one via phone call with a friend who is joining the military and with whom I will have very limited contact until Christmas time.

And I'm really hungry. But I really just want to go home and make tea.

But before I do either of these things I'm going to go to the bathroom.

#1 in case you were curious.

Day 47-While It's Still Day 47

I'm sleepy. I've had a weekend that I pretty much threw into the wind. I forgot studying for a few days, so now I'll be at the Haggard Hall computer labs until I actually accomplish something. That or until I get really sleepy, which may be soon, considering I've been here an hour and haven't accomplished anything at all.

My weekend was pretty awesome. Friday night I went to a friend's house for dinner, then fell asleep on the couch in the house watching Casino Royale. Which is hilarious, because that means that I was sleeping through stuck exploding. I'm finding I sleep pretty hard these days.

Saturday I went over to a guy's house and did some work to help fund the adoption of three Ethiopian kids by the family of one of my housemates. I then came home, took a nap, watched Zoolander (pretty much my favorite movie) and then Cloverfield, which started with a four person audience and ended a 12 person audience. It was interesting. I personally liked it, but I got the impression most people in the audience didn't. People just expect happy endings and are bummed out when they don't happen. I guess I'm the exception: But then I like funerals more than weddings and I read Ecclesiastes for fun.

Today I woke up late, then skipped church for a longer-than-normal quiet time. I went slacklining with a friend, then climbing on some real rocks close to campus. A weekly house meeting began at about 8, and I found myself needing introvert time, so I wandered over to campus, then found myself a computer that actually works the way it's supposed to and here I am.

And I'm hungry. Like usual. ARGH. The curses of a high metabolism and not having the money to feed it.

And I should probably get started on my introduction for my Sheol paper that I haven't at all researched outside of my daily devotions.

Or I could get food and go to sleep.

I'm SUCH a terrible student. :-D

Day 45

It's cold here.

I've thus spent my day in class, wandering around, talking to people, climbing at the gym, and looking at microfilms about people's misguided 17th-Century notions of witchcraft.

I'm VERY glad this week is almost over. If I can get through tomorrow, I'll be stoked. I'd like to get outside and do some climbing, but the weather here isn't exactly climbing conducive.

It's really irritating when people talk on the phone in the library.

I should probably go home and take a nap...

LOL I'm in a way better mood than this post suggests. I was re-reading it and was like
"Oh junk. I sound depressed."

But I'm really not. I promise :-D

Day 44: The Truth- Relient K

I've been really leaning on this song lately. It perfectly describes where I'm at in life right now, pertaining to a lot of different aspects of it. I'm having lots of weird urges to just run from my problems right now, but in so doing nothing would be gained but a false sense of security. I am terrified to let go of the steering wheel of the car that is my life, and this song is a reminder of how wrong I am.

I've collected all these thoughts
I'm dying just to lose them
and if your words are true or not
I'll die trying to prove them.
But I'll just have to accept
That my mind is so inept
and the only thing that's left for me to do is to trust you.

Convince me, because I really need your help
Oh convince me, because I can't see this for myself

I'll put the emphasis on the evidence
Begging for the proof
Sometimes I honestly don't believe it's the truth

This is so unnerving
I know you've never lied to me before
But the things you're telling me
I can't yet believe, yet can't ignore
But I'll just have to accept
That my mind is so inept
And the only thing that's left for me to do is to trust you

I'll put the emphasis on the evidence
Begging for the proof
Sometimes I honestly don't believe it's the truth
Attempt to place our lives into your hands
Confide in what you'll do
But sometimes I honestly don't believe it's the truth

It's a world full of cynics
Who say to stay alive in it
You've got to stick with what you know
But the soul is always achin'
For the heart to start takin'
a chance by letting go

So let go.

Attempt to place our lives into your hands
Confide in what you'll do
But sometimes when you're trying to sleep
In all your doubts and your faith your degree it's cause'

Sometimes I honestly don't believe it's the truth

Day 42

Part of my major, which I love by the way (despite how much friggen work it is,) involves a sweet course known as Methods of Research and Analysis. It's not required, but it should be. The course is not about content. Rather, it's about how to interpret the content; where the use of the primary source best fits within the context of the thesis of an argument, determining strengths and weaknesses of secondary source arguments, and basically understanding that not everything you read is true. This doesn't mean that nothing is true, it essentially is the realization that there is no such thing as a perfect source or argument.

ANYWAY.

As a part of the reading for this course, I spent last night in the library reading a book of court transcripts and other government documents centered around the My Lai massacre, which occured March 16, 1968, which is REALLY close to three months after the Tet Offensive. And oh, the things that people confessed to. And oh, the things people saw. Several soldiers verified the shooting of a mother and her baby. Vietnamese civilians were herded into a ditch and gunned down by M-16 assault rifles on automatic fire. All in all, close to 500 Vietnamese were killed in the incident, and the hunt for the Viet Cong (guerilla warriors fighting in the South on the side of the Communist North) turned up an unconfirmed number of VC and three (yes, THREE) M1 rifles and carbines. There was one wounded, accidentally self-inflicted during the cleaning of a .45 caliber pistol.

And I don't think anyone knows gut wrenching until you read rape reports. I made it to the report of an 11 year old girl being found raped and dead until I had to stop and just skip to the next document.

Military people, correct me if I'm wrong, but there's about 128 people in a company, divided up into platoons, which are subdivided into squads. All that to say, while some men refused to fire on civilians when ordered to do so, most did not. The one person convicted for murder, getting life in prison (which Nixon reduced to 20ish years,) was the leader one of the platoons, Lt Calley.

Everyone else got off with nothing. One, after admitting to firing 16 clips of ammunition WITHOUT BEING SHOT AT and killing ten people, was even heralded as a hero in his hometown while people said he was just following orders.

Such bullcrap. It came as a huge shock to me, because, since I live in the United States, Vietnam was always referred to as the war that didn't really need to be fought, and that American troops just got overwhelmed as the war became a political nightmare. Somehow, and for some reason, it didn't register to me that we would have disregarded the Geneva Conventions and pulled something off like this.

I know that God is in control and I believe that judgement is his to give. But this was a case, as I read this, that I wanted judgement NOW. I am ok now, but I just hate stuff like that.

Otherwise, I keep being surprised at how busy I really am and I don't remember ever being this busy. I'm holding up ok, but I'll be glad to get this week over with. I'm sorta behind, but I plan on catching up tomorrow. I actually planned on catching up today, but I mostly just walked around and hung out with people.

Maybe tomorrow I'll actually work.

Shoot, What is Today? Saturday...

Woke up this morning to bluebird skies, coffee, and two hardboiled eggs. I never liked hardboiled eggs until I got back from camp this summer, and I continue to like them more each time I have them. They're easy and can be refrigerated for a really long time. Though I really don't put anything on them, which would probably help the taste, because they aren't as good cold.

ANYWAY.

I spent the morning/ early afternoon hiking and exploring an area with great climbing potential if it can be hit on a good day. Which today, despite the skies and the sun, wasn't. So after scouting out routes with reasonable anchor points, my friend and I slid around on cold, wet Chuckanut sandstone, her in Adidas tennis shoes, I in my Chacos and socks (I think I'm officially a Bellinghamite.) We squeezed our way through a crack in the rocks and got super wet and dirty, but it was a blast to put off life for awhile and explore the outdoors. Got back with the intention of doing homework, but took a shower, made Easy Mac, sat around, then went to the rock wall. THEN I went to the library, only to find it closed: I seriously don't understand why we don't have 24 hour libraries here. Ok. So that people don't sleep in there that don't got o school here. But the other night when I was looking for someplace to go, the library sounded amazing, and I DO go to school here. So I slowly walked home, listening to music, thinking on life, and getting a phone call from my mom, whom I discovered is on Facebook.

As a result of my very laid back Saturday, I will be driving myself into the ground tomorrow due to a test and a reading assignment due on Monday. Plus having to do the paper that I didn't do this last week. So. Uh. I sense another late night. And I still have to look for a job. YAYeah.

I apologize for my lack of serious thought these days. I assure you that it's happening, but it's the mundane everyday stuff that's rocking my world right now, and all the thought is basically going into making sure my head doesn't explode. I haven't forgotten about that love post that I was talking about earlier...

Day 36

I bought my first dozen eggs today. I'm super excited, because they're relatively cheap and good for you. So begins living life without a meal plan. I'm getting used to not eating a whole lot.

My weekend through today was NUTS. As you know, I spent the weekend playing bass (a very physical activity for me,) moving my stuff, and on duty. Monday, after my last entry, I was up until 5 AM, relying on tea, my late night sense of humor, and the Spirit to summon every last ounce of energy that I contained. I woke up at about 9:30, showered, and as I was making "breakfast," consisting of coffee and a granola bar, I had a popularity spike and had appointments at both 11 and 12. When those were over at about 1 PM, I laid down on a couch in the Underground Coffeehouse and slept until about 3:00. I did an assignment, walked back home for dinner, put on a pair of socks with my Chacos, walked back to campus to do more homework, and arrived back at home at about 10, totally drained. Due to my not having a key and the appartment door being locked, I ambled into the house, landed on a couch, and slept until being woken up at 11:30, at which point I went to my room and fell asleep in about three seconds.

Since then, things have finally begun to solidify and slow down. After a good night's sleep and having a test postponed until Monday, it feels good to sit with my tea and music and just sit and contemplate where I'm at.

So I now live at what is known as the Fort. It's a group of fourteen Christian guys (including myself) that all are based out of a house just off of Bill McDonald on 25th Street in Bellingham. Every day that I spend here, which now amounts to about three, I continue to discover new things about the group dynamics and what living at the Fort means. We're very outreach oriented, and this weekend there should be people all over this place carving pumpkins, watching movies and various other activities. I'm having a ton of fun getting to know a bunch of new people as well as getting to know people better that I knew from last year. For the first time in a month, I feel like I have a place in which I'm not being judged, that I'm cared for, and even sought out. I laugh a lot again, and I feel the life that ResLife (or lack, thereof) sucked out of me returning, and I'm once more able to connect and establish relationships with people.

So now I need a job. I keep telling myself that I'll start next week and give myself a break. Which makes a lot of sense. But I know that I'll never actually get anything done if I adopt that attitude.

Anyway.

It's time to sleep.

Day 34- Running Off The Rails

After giving 110% through the weekend in the form of finishing RA stuff, playing my bass A LOT (which was SO fun, I am so stoked that I get to be on the next baptism Sunday as well,) and packing up all my crap, I'm worn out. As I walked to the library at 9 PM-ish, I was actually trying to sleep while walking. I would loved to have watched me run into something.

And what stinks is that I can't let up. lol. All I can do is laugh at how complicated my life has become. So here's where I'm at.

Paper due Friday on houses as historical sources. YAY.

I have a test on Friday in a class for which I have done hardly any of the reading. And I fell asleep in class today. And usually I care about the professors' perceptions of me. Sorry. Not today. :-P It happened again in my favorite class, in which we talked about the 12 plagues in Egypt and the route that Moses led the Israelites on the Exodus. I think checked out in between, because we had a ten minute break and the person in front of my had to poke me. Otherwise, I remember everything else. SO GOOD.

I'm transitioning into a new living space, and trying to get used to the norms already in place within said space. It won't be too bad, it just feels awkward for me right now.

Trying to find a job, preferably on campus. Cool.

Oh, it could definitely be worse. I don't even want to think about that.

LOL. Life is hilarious. All I can do is keep going and trust Matt 6.

Day 31

OH YEAH. I pulled my latest study night ever last night, finally making it back to the dorm room at 2:30 AM. My mind was so actively engaged in my studies that it took me awhile to wind down.

So I had a pretty good day. I woke up this morning, went to a meeting with the Resident Director to make my final move-out arrangements. Since that took all of six minutes, I then went to breakfast for the first time on a weekday and ate an omelete, sausage biscuit and something else. And I burnt my tongue when I took a sip of coffee. That was pretty much the worst thing that happened all day. The burning of the tongue, that is.

From there, I went to pretty much the least interesting class ever, but I managed to retain that I have a test next Friday, which will be fun considering I haven't read anything about the history of southern Africa since the start of the class. When you have another class that requires a five page paper every Friday, that tends to take priority over the reading about Shaka and the Zulu kingdom.

As requested by the resident director, I spent my afternoon trying to get as many roommate agreements done as I could. It took an approach that I normally would not take in order to get them done: ambush. Knock on the door, and if they were both there, do the agreement. Or find one of them coming up the stairs and ask if their roommate was there. I hated doing this, but it was all I really could do: people have gotten pretty good at avoiding me if they know I need something from them. I was able to get several done before half of my stack skipped town to go to Seattle for the weekend.

Around 5:00, I decided that I needed to slack line. So, slack line I did. And ran into a few friends, as I tend to do. It was great to get out and be outside after a week of doing nothing but being busy. I had a good laughing fit, and only got happier as I got a call from my new roommate: Yes. I have a place to live! I'll be moving into a house/apartment thing off campus on Sunday or Monday, which will be exciting. I will have a roommate, but will also be living with 13 other guys, so it'll be nuts, but a ton of fun.

My night only got better when I conquered a route on the rock wall that I had been working since spring of last school year, and got to climb some serious top-rope with a newly belay certified climbing buddy. It took me about 15 minutes to untangle my harness and make it symmetrical. And I met someone working at the rock wall that went to Clark College, so that's always fun. My hands are shredded to little bits and pieces and have the "glisten" on the fingertips that I think comes with the shedding of a layer of skin, but hopefully they'll be somewhat healed by tomorrow night in time to bass it up for what will seem like a long time.

My weekend will be nuts. I've just accepted it as fact.

Day 30- So I May As Well Just Say It

Last Saturday night, after spending the five days prior exhausted, not sleeping through the night, and not eating, I made the decision to quit my job as a Resident Advisor. Actually, the decision came Friday night. But I acted on it on Saturday, and handed in my resignation on Monday. So, as of Monday, I will have no place to live.

Well, that's not necessarily true. I've been in contact with a guy who PROBABLY has a place for me. I'm waiting to hear back on what the landlord says. So hopefully I'll know soon. The real thing I'm starting to be concerned about is money and where it's coming from. I can only keep thinking on Matthew 6 and know that God will provide. I'll need a job, is what it comes down to. But I'll think about that once I have a place to live locked down.

On another note, I'm REALLY excited to play for church this weekend. I'll be playing four one-hour services, one on Saturday night and three on Sunday. The thing is that it's a baptism weekend, which means I really am playing for upwards of four hours this weekend. I'm playing my bass as much as I can in between now and then to get my fingers calloused as I can get them; I haven't played much in the last week. I will say, though, that in-ear monitors are weird as all get out, but once you get used to them, they are AMAZING! I get my own PERSONALIZED mix, with as much of everything as I want. Which means that I can have the kick-drum at a different level than the rest of the kit, and no back-up vocals and only lead vocals. And the rhythm guitar at a different volume than what's coming out of an amp! WHICH..BY THE WAY.. I can't hear because the monitors cut out just about everything that isn't within the mix itself. SO. If the guitarist is using an amp, all I can hear of it is in my monitors. The coolest thing ever. And there's no speaker to trip over.

I'm doing a lot better, and people have noticed that the old Brandon is coming back. It was hard to explain to my residents (whom I from now on I shall refer to as friends :-D) that it wasn't them. I guess they liked me. They almost talked me back into it.

Day 29-Getting Better

I'm doing much better now, at least according to those that know my situation, which I will divulge once the dust has begun to settle. I had my first laughing fit in a week on Sunday morning, and I realized how out of shape I was. I used to be able to laugh for five minutes until my abs hurt. I made it about one minute. Last night I had another one, but it didn't seem nearly as productive. Maybe I just haven't been around people that can make me laugh really hard really often. Or I could be dealing with a lot of different circumstances all colliding within the same time frame. School is really hard right now. One class is mind blowing in terms of process and the work load (we're talking one 400 pg book a week, in addition to 5-6 20ish pg articles.) The other is mind blowing in that I really don't care about the information so I don't really retain any of it. And another is just RAD. Ancient Israel is the rad one. I just found out that the "serpant" in Genesis 3 is only translated as "serpant" if it's read as a noun. If it's translated as a verb, it means "the deceiver" or "the shining one." In this case, they all mean essentially the same thing, so it's just REALLY cool. ANYWAY. Gosh, I love nerd moments.

I head off for my first worship team practice at Christ the King Community Church in like two minutes. I'm a little nervous because I haven't heard about half of the songs that we're supposed to play. And I haven't played or met my bandmates yet. But I'm really excited to play with people. This weekend is a baptism weekend in which people are being baptized during the time that the pastor is normally speaking. Which will be SO cool. And I get to be there for FOUR services! Hopefully I don't have to work too hard. Sunday will be a big day in terms of a lot of things.

Day 25- If I Swore, I Would Now.

WHAT A WEEK. So many ups and downs. It's basically been moments of pure joy sandwiched between moments of stress overload. I just realized about an hour ago that I did something every night this week haven't slept through the night, have eaten one meal a day since Sunday (which usually consisted of a half slice of pizza or something,) and have had what basically amount to two-ish break-downs. Depending on what you constitute as breakdowns.

Basically, if you're a prayer, just pray for peace and wisdom in decision making, yes, in general, but specifically pertaining to my job.

That's really all I can say.