Breaktime

I'm currently sitting in my parent's kitchen with a cup of coffee using a computer with a reliable internet connection. There's snow everywhere in Vancouver. Not as much as in Bellingham, but it's more of a pain in the butt here. In Bellingham, I could walk everywhere and rely on mass transit to get me places in the freezingly-frigid cold. Here, stuff is a ways out. I'm decided to hole up today, if I don't go snowboarding at a local park. Which I really want to do.

Driving home last night, I got a little overzealous trying to drift a corner on my truck and slammed into a curb. Now, my headlights don't work reliably, but my brights do. Which makes sense, but I really don't want to trace the wire back to find out where the connection is bad. And I really don't want to take it someplace. Yeah, sort of in a pickle. So now I can only drive in the daytime until I get it fixed. We'll see what happens; maybe it'll fix itself.

Saturday- And Finals are DONE

Officially done with finals, which is awesome. I spent last night chillin' with some friends in Kappa, and after playing Guitar Hero for a solid two hours (the first time I had played video games for more than ten minutes since before I started Resident Advisor training at the beginning of September,) then hung out for a bit, which means that I got back to my apartment at about 5:00 AM. Yeah, I know. RE-Diculous. Basically only because finals week is over and I knew I had nothing to do today until 3:00 today.



I should note here that I no longer feel compelled to play violent video games. For some reason video games that are designed to



I get to play my bass this weekend. In like two hours, actually. Super stoked.

Finals Week: Thursday Evening

After killing myself with school for the last two weeks and being super tired all the time, I have finally managed to catch up on sleep to some extent. While I have a take-home final due tomorrow at midnight, I knowingly put it off for a day when I woke up this morning to the sun shining. I called up a few friends and arranged for a climbing adventure to Clayton Beach, to which I hadn't been this year. The tide was high, which made things interesting, but the five of us were able to grind our fingers, arms, and legs into hamburger within the two and a half hours of climbing. I finished a route that I had hoped to much to get by the end of last year and failed (I should note here that when I tried to offer advice to my friends who were attempting it, I realized that I had been completely relaxed and had totally forgotten forgotten how I had done it.) I began trying the second half of an overhanging traverse that I had only been able to get the first two moves on last year. Now, I'm one move away from the top-out, which I have no idea how I'm going to do.

Since then, I have done a bit more hanging out, played the bass, and now I'm on campus using the internet. I feel a lot more rested and I'm getting to be myself again; it's amazing (and terrible) what can happen to someone when they don't read their Bible for two weeks.

I'm playing at CTK this weekend having had no Tuesday rehearsal. Which means Saturday is going to be either a mess or amazing. God has a way of working stuff out, so I'm not too worried about it. For once, I crave rehearsal time. It's a chance to play music, that I know I will spend time playing music, rather than having something else fill up the time, because when I get busy it's hard to justify playing the bass when I could be wandering around barefoot in the library looking at really cool documents.

My body is tired, and I'm going back to my apartment now. Maybe laundry tonight. I sure hope so...I worry about how stinky I am.

DEAD WEEK

Forget how many days I've been here. I've missed too many and my brain is too tired to count back.

Drip coffee is 25 cents up here at any of the markets, the last of which closes at midnight. I have one in-class final, one portfolio of papers that I have been doing throughout the quarter to turn in, my final proposal for my senior paper is due next Tuesday, and one take-home final. YAY history. It's a check-list, and really, I have it pretty good compared to some. I should be able to avoid spending any more super late nights, and CERTAINLY no more all-nighters. I am learning to spend days more wisely, which is definitely a plus and much easier to do now that the weather during the day is crappy. My weekend will be spent in the library running around and typing frantically, but as long as I know I can get my stuff done in the times the library is open I'm totally fine with that.

I have spent a good chunk of time at the rock wall in the last few days. I have broken V3. Officially. I'm excited about that

I'm beginning to get sick, and I'm doing everything I can to fight it off. Which means being in bed by midnight tonight. Which means I stop typing now.

Day 72

As has probably been recognized at this point, I've been sort of busy.

I have realized how crappy I am at managing my days, which means that as I write two papers and prepare a proposal for a research project, my days extend from one to the next with me even realizing it. I have yet to go to bed before 1:00 AM, and that day was an exception: most days I go to bed around 2:30 or 3:00 AM. My goal is to get it all done by Wednesday night when I drive south. It won't happen. But I'm trying. I may pull my first all-nighter of the year (or college career) within the next few days. Tonight, I'm forcing a sundown-to-sundown Sabbath on myself, which really defies all logic, but it's happening.

And I was crazy-busy before this week, but I now have another element in my life. Yes. It finally happened. I know I swore it never would, but it did.

I have a girlfriend. Her name's Anna.

And she's AMAZING.

Um...yeah. Hehe.

I'm trying really hard to not get sick, but I feel that there's enough crap growing in this apartment that I'm bound in inhale something destructive at some point. This will probably be my first post before break, and likely until I get back from break. I haven't really kept up on blog stuff, so I apologize. But I've got other priorities.

I Know

How Dare I.

lol

Day 65

Somehow I made it through the week. Tuesday and Wednesday were burly, as predicted, but once I hit the "send" button and emailed my paper off to my professor, I sank down into the swivel chair in the computer lab, decided to skip my class, made my way back to my apartment and fell onto my bed for an hour long nap. Before eating dinner and going to my friend's house to do laundry and waste time. It was incredible.



Thursday I woke up and went to Starbucks in the morning, then called my Grandpa and had a really good conversation. Then, I think I made ramen and went to campus. Yes. Yes I did, because I got on my skateboard for the first time in two months, and my slackline for the first time in two weeks. By the time I was done with that, I had time for about an hour of studying before dinner, after which I went climbing and watched a movie in the library, Triumph of the Will.



Triumph of the Will is a movie made in 1934 in Germany documenting the Sixth Nazi Party Conference (or Congress, I can't remember.) Lots of smiling people, laughing kids, and "Heil Hitlers." It was sort of chilling, really, to watch people get sucked into the whole super-nationalism thing. It was interesting thinking of parallels within the United States, though many of our prejudices are somewhat under the surface (meaning not blatantly obvious) My favorite parts were the ones with the flags. They sing the national anthem, we sing the national anthem. They do the "Heil Hitler," we put our right hand over our hearts. Just something to think about.

This week is finally over. I'm planning on a Sabbath tomorrow, but we'll see how that goes. I know that I need one, but it's a matter of what I feel like doing. I'm working on a question for a history paper and am having a really good time researching. Honestly. I am starting to really like microfilm. I'm SUCH a nerd.

Day 61

I am very tired right now. Nearly everyone I've talked to (or taken the time to talk to) has told me I look it. It's that time of the quarter. Professors are starting to want the papers they've assigned, in addition to the reading they've assigned. I honestly don't remember being this tired and stressed out, and I've realized that when this happens I basically don't want to do anything at all but listen to my music. There are about 6 people with whom I can hold a conversation. Everyone else, more or less, gets ignored.

It was a good call to not take that FedEx job. And my Beta/Gamma RA buddies are reporting ridiculous amounts of work to be done up on the Ridge: One-on-Ones with every resident (at least 32 per RA) to be done by Thanksgiving break. Which, at weeks 8, 9 and 10, is nearly impossible. In fact, I would say that it is. Unless you are taking about six credits of school and your residents respect you fully and do everything you say (and have nothing better to do with their time but meet with you.) In addition, from what I hear, a write up is required to be submitted on each resident reporting on their growth and what they expect out of school.

GROSS. No thanks. They don't get paid enough.

Life is stressful, and I'll hope to be sleeping pretty soon. Tomorrow is a holiday. Which really doesn't mean anything different for me because I don't have school on Tuesdays anyway. So it'll be just another day in the life for me. I've got a ton of work to do. And it's supposed to rain, so I'll be stuck inside anyway.

I'm going to finish my Ramen, make some tea, read some Macho Paradox, and go to sleep. Must... make... it... through... Wednesday...AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGH.

Day 57- The Conclusion to 56

I emerged from the Haggard Hall computer lab last night, ready to ask the woman working the coffee stand for some hot water for my tea. As I approached the double doors, I stopped dead in my tracks: out in Red Square (yes, within the context of what I'm about to tell you, it's ironic) was a large gathering of people, presumably college students chanting, banging pots and pans, and so on. All of a sudden, my historical background came flooding back to me, and the pieces fell into place as to why I was hesitant to vote for Obama and yet had been unable to articulate.

As I walked outside, while people were chanting "O-bam-a" to the point of ridiculousness, I was scared. As a supporter of neither political candidate and not wanting to pretend that I was a supporter of either of them, I was scared at the happenings. Yes, people were happy. That's fine. But I felt the presence of the "Obama Cult" stronger than I ever had before. To the point that it reminded me of the Stalin cult in late 1920s-50 Soviet Russia. I am not going to draw a parallel between the two events, because the situation is so drastically different that I would be lying to say that they are similar. But what I observed on the campus of Western Washington University on the evening of November 4th, 2008, was the glorification of an individual to the point that he WAS the United States. To the point that the identity of every individual gathered outside was found within that of the man elected to be the next President of the United States. At least that was my perception. But what do I know?; I walk around barefoot when it's 40 degrees outside.

So, I express formally my cynicism, if you hadn't picked up on it already. I would be just as uneasy as with McCain, though it would be because I have an idea of what to expect rather than not having an idea of what to expect.

God is in control. And I have better things to think about, things that I can actually effect. Things like ending male-perpetrated violence against women.

Day 56- The Obligatory Election Day Post

I haven't thought that much about politics today. Honestly. After settling on a third-party candidate due to a moral conviction to not vote for either candidate, I dropped off my ballot this morning and set my mind to school work. I was blessed with a great day of filled with peace and clarity of thought.

I must say it is funny how grouchy and argumentative people get on election day. I mostly watched people get passionate about hating political figures, and since I didn't vote for either of them I was totally fine listening to rants on either side of the debate, because I agreed with a lot of them no matter whom I .

Until people bring history into it and forget that I actually care about my chosen field of study. Or question personal character and moral conviction based upon someone's candidate of choice.

A few things people either a.) forget that I hate, b.) don't know that I hate, or c.) know that I hate but do anyway:

1.) When people look to me for validation/ support for their agendas, whatever they may be.
2.) Call countries like Russia (I think they mean USSR) or China communist.
3.) Call the US "the most moral nation in the world."

Unfortunately, basically all three things happened earlier today. Those of you that know me can guess what happened next. Thankfully, I bit my lip and left the room once I realized what I was starting to do.

Um. I've got a couple of theological ideas I'm mulling over, as well as one prompted by my hour of Halloween that I spent out of the house. I'm waiting to talk them out with someone before I post so I can get my thoughts in order, but look for some doozies coming. Like I said, I've had a lot of clarity of thought today. I'll be up for another six and a half hours, as I will be driving down to Burlington FedEx to inquire about a job down there.

So now I'm going to go outside, out into the realm of cell phone reception. Which means that I may have received several text messages saying "YAY OBAMA"

BOO, capitalism.

Day 54

After spending my weekend doing not that much of anything, I'm sitting in the kitchen of my apartment while roommates busily prepare their dinners around me. Having eaten my daily allotment of Sweet & Salty granola bars, I'm finishing off the coffee that I made a few days ago (I think.) The current song on the soundtrack is "Faithfully" by Journey, and I've spent my day getting somewhat caught up on the stuff that I really should have been doing all weekend, including working on a paper on Sheol for my Ancient Israel class, getting my analysis papers done, and picking a topic for my Southern Africa paper. I have very little interest in doing any of those things, so I am wasting time on this useless blog that maybe four people will read.

So a few developments in the life of Brandon.

1.) I am feeling a call to do cross-cultural missions work. I don't know what that looks like at all. But my "plan," however insignificant or incorrect it is from a divine standpoint, is to finish school and hang out in Bellingham until doors start opening and God's timing becomes apparent. If it works that way.

2.) I am meeting with a shift manager Tuesday morning at FedEx to possibly apply for a job there. The meeting time: 2:45 AM. The shift time: 2:30 AM-7:30 AM. We'll see what happens.

Day 50...

Was sorta tiring. I'm sleepy, and have a lot of stuff that I should do tomorrow. The week is halfway over, which is sorta sad, because I'm running out of time to do life. The job thing still needs to happen.

Had some very good conversations with people today, one with a friend in an elevator (RANDOM place to sit down and have a conversation, but incredibly entertaining) and one via phone call with a friend who is joining the military and with whom I will have very limited contact until Christmas time.

And I'm really hungry. But I really just want to go home and make tea.

But before I do either of these things I'm going to go to the bathroom.

#1 in case you were curious.

Day 47-While It's Still Day 47

I'm sleepy. I've had a weekend that I pretty much threw into the wind. I forgot studying for a few days, so now I'll be at the Haggard Hall computer labs until I actually accomplish something. That or until I get really sleepy, which may be soon, considering I've been here an hour and haven't accomplished anything at all.

My weekend was pretty awesome. Friday night I went to a friend's house for dinner, then fell asleep on the couch in the house watching Casino Royale. Which is hilarious, because that means that I was sleeping through stuck exploding. I'm finding I sleep pretty hard these days.

Saturday I went over to a guy's house and did some work to help fund the adoption of three Ethiopian kids by the family of one of my housemates. I then came home, took a nap, watched Zoolander (pretty much my favorite movie) and then Cloverfield, which started with a four person audience and ended a 12 person audience. It was interesting. I personally liked it, but I got the impression most people in the audience didn't. People just expect happy endings and are bummed out when they don't happen. I guess I'm the exception: But then I like funerals more than weddings and I read Ecclesiastes for fun.

Today I woke up late, then skipped church for a longer-than-normal quiet time. I went slacklining with a friend, then climbing on some real rocks close to campus. A weekly house meeting began at about 8, and I found myself needing introvert time, so I wandered over to campus, then found myself a computer that actually works the way it's supposed to and here I am.

And I'm hungry. Like usual. ARGH. The curses of a high metabolism and not having the money to feed it.

And I should probably get started on my introduction for my Sheol paper that I haven't at all researched outside of my daily devotions.

Or I could get food and go to sleep.

I'm SUCH a terrible student. :-D

Day 45

It's cold here.

I've thus spent my day in class, wandering around, talking to people, climbing at the gym, and looking at microfilms about people's misguided 17th-Century notions of witchcraft.

I'm VERY glad this week is almost over. If I can get through tomorrow, I'll be stoked. I'd like to get outside and do some climbing, but the weather here isn't exactly climbing conducive.

It's really irritating when people talk on the phone in the library.

I should probably go home and take a nap...

LOL I'm in a way better mood than this post suggests. I was re-reading it and was like
"Oh junk. I sound depressed."

But I'm really not. I promise :-D

Day 44: The Truth- Relient K

I've been really leaning on this song lately. It perfectly describes where I'm at in life right now, pertaining to a lot of different aspects of it. I'm having lots of weird urges to just run from my problems right now, but in so doing nothing would be gained but a false sense of security. I am terrified to let go of the steering wheel of the car that is my life, and this song is a reminder of how wrong I am.

I've collected all these thoughts
I'm dying just to lose them
and if your words are true or not
I'll die trying to prove them.
But I'll just have to accept
That my mind is so inept
and the only thing that's left for me to do is to trust you.

Convince me, because I really need your help
Oh convince me, because I can't see this for myself

I'll put the emphasis on the evidence
Begging for the proof
Sometimes I honestly don't believe it's the truth

This is so unnerving
I know you've never lied to me before
But the things you're telling me
I can't yet believe, yet can't ignore
But I'll just have to accept
That my mind is so inept
And the only thing that's left for me to do is to trust you

I'll put the emphasis on the evidence
Begging for the proof
Sometimes I honestly don't believe it's the truth
Attempt to place our lives into your hands
Confide in what you'll do
But sometimes I honestly don't believe it's the truth

It's a world full of cynics
Who say to stay alive in it
You've got to stick with what you know
But the soul is always achin'
For the heart to start takin'
a chance by letting go

So let go.

Attempt to place our lives into your hands
Confide in what you'll do
But sometimes when you're trying to sleep
In all your doubts and your faith your degree it's cause'

Sometimes I honestly don't believe it's the truth

Day 42

Part of my major, which I love by the way (despite how much friggen work it is,) involves a sweet course known as Methods of Research and Analysis. It's not required, but it should be. The course is not about content. Rather, it's about how to interpret the content; where the use of the primary source best fits within the context of the thesis of an argument, determining strengths and weaknesses of secondary source arguments, and basically understanding that not everything you read is true. This doesn't mean that nothing is true, it essentially is the realization that there is no such thing as a perfect source or argument.

ANYWAY.

As a part of the reading for this course, I spent last night in the library reading a book of court transcripts and other government documents centered around the My Lai massacre, which occured March 16, 1968, which is REALLY close to three months after the Tet Offensive. And oh, the things that people confessed to. And oh, the things people saw. Several soldiers verified the shooting of a mother and her baby. Vietnamese civilians were herded into a ditch and gunned down by M-16 assault rifles on automatic fire. All in all, close to 500 Vietnamese were killed in the incident, and the hunt for the Viet Cong (guerilla warriors fighting in the South on the side of the Communist North) turned up an unconfirmed number of VC and three (yes, THREE) M1 rifles and carbines. There was one wounded, accidentally self-inflicted during the cleaning of a .45 caliber pistol.

And I don't think anyone knows gut wrenching until you read rape reports. I made it to the report of an 11 year old girl being found raped and dead until I had to stop and just skip to the next document.

Military people, correct me if I'm wrong, but there's about 128 people in a company, divided up into platoons, which are subdivided into squads. All that to say, while some men refused to fire on civilians when ordered to do so, most did not. The one person convicted for murder, getting life in prison (which Nixon reduced to 20ish years,) was the leader one of the platoons, Lt Calley.

Everyone else got off with nothing. One, after admitting to firing 16 clips of ammunition WITHOUT BEING SHOT AT and killing ten people, was even heralded as a hero in his hometown while people said he was just following orders.

Such bullcrap. It came as a huge shock to me, because, since I live in the United States, Vietnam was always referred to as the war that didn't really need to be fought, and that American troops just got overwhelmed as the war became a political nightmare. Somehow, and for some reason, it didn't register to me that we would have disregarded the Geneva Conventions and pulled something off like this.

I know that God is in control and I believe that judgement is his to give. But this was a case, as I read this, that I wanted judgement NOW. I am ok now, but I just hate stuff like that.

Otherwise, I keep being surprised at how busy I really am and I don't remember ever being this busy. I'm holding up ok, but I'll be glad to get this week over with. I'm sorta behind, but I plan on catching up tomorrow. I actually planned on catching up today, but I mostly just walked around and hung out with people.

Maybe tomorrow I'll actually work.

Shoot, What is Today? Saturday...

Woke up this morning to bluebird skies, coffee, and two hardboiled eggs. I never liked hardboiled eggs until I got back from camp this summer, and I continue to like them more each time I have them. They're easy and can be refrigerated for a really long time. Though I really don't put anything on them, which would probably help the taste, because they aren't as good cold.

ANYWAY.

I spent the morning/ early afternoon hiking and exploring an area with great climbing potential if it can be hit on a good day. Which today, despite the skies and the sun, wasn't. So after scouting out routes with reasonable anchor points, my friend and I slid around on cold, wet Chuckanut sandstone, her in Adidas tennis shoes, I in my Chacos and socks (I think I'm officially a Bellinghamite.) We squeezed our way through a crack in the rocks and got super wet and dirty, but it was a blast to put off life for awhile and explore the outdoors. Got back with the intention of doing homework, but took a shower, made Easy Mac, sat around, then went to the rock wall. THEN I went to the library, only to find it closed: I seriously don't understand why we don't have 24 hour libraries here. Ok. So that people don't sleep in there that don't got o school here. But the other night when I was looking for someplace to go, the library sounded amazing, and I DO go to school here. So I slowly walked home, listening to music, thinking on life, and getting a phone call from my mom, whom I discovered is on Facebook.

As a result of my very laid back Saturday, I will be driving myself into the ground tomorrow due to a test and a reading assignment due on Monday. Plus having to do the paper that I didn't do this last week. So. Uh. I sense another late night. And I still have to look for a job. YAYeah.

I apologize for my lack of serious thought these days. I assure you that it's happening, but it's the mundane everyday stuff that's rocking my world right now, and all the thought is basically going into making sure my head doesn't explode. I haven't forgotten about that love post that I was talking about earlier...

Day 36

I bought my first dozen eggs today. I'm super excited, because they're relatively cheap and good for you. So begins living life without a meal plan. I'm getting used to not eating a whole lot.

My weekend through today was NUTS. As you know, I spent the weekend playing bass (a very physical activity for me,) moving my stuff, and on duty. Monday, after my last entry, I was up until 5 AM, relying on tea, my late night sense of humor, and the Spirit to summon every last ounce of energy that I contained. I woke up at about 9:30, showered, and as I was making "breakfast," consisting of coffee and a granola bar, I had a popularity spike and had appointments at both 11 and 12. When those were over at about 1 PM, I laid down on a couch in the Underground Coffeehouse and slept until about 3:00. I did an assignment, walked back home for dinner, put on a pair of socks with my Chacos, walked back to campus to do more homework, and arrived back at home at about 10, totally drained. Due to my not having a key and the appartment door being locked, I ambled into the house, landed on a couch, and slept until being woken up at 11:30, at which point I went to my room and fell asleep in about three seconds.

Since then, things have finally begun to solidify and slow down. After a good night's sleep and having a test postponed until Monday, it feels good to sit with my tea and music and just sit and contemplate where I'm at.

So I now live at what is known as the Fort. It's a group of fourteen Christian guys (including myself) that all are based out of a house just off of Bill McDonald on 25th Street in Bellingham. Every day that I spend here, which now amounts to about three, I continue to discover new things about the group dynamics and what living at the Fort means. We're very outreach oriented, and this weekend there should be people all over this place carving pumpkins, watching movies and various other activities. I'm having a ton of fun getting to know a bunch of new people as well as getting to know people better that I knew from last year. For the first time in a month, I feel like I have a place in which I'm not being judged, that I'm cared for, and even sought out. I laugh a lot again, and I feel the life that ResLife (or lack, thereof) sucked out of me returning, and I'm once more able to connect and establish relationships with people.

So now I need a job. I keep telling myself that I'll start next week and give myself a break. Which makes a lot of sense. But I know that I'll never actually get anything done if I adopt that attitude.

Anyway.

It's time to sleep.

Day 34- Running Off The Rails

After giving 110% through the weekend in the form of finishing RA stuff, playing my bass A LOT (which was SO fun, I am so stoked that I get to be on the next baptism Sunday as well,) and packing up all my crap, I'm worn out. As I walked to the library at 9 PM-ish, I was actually trying to sleep while walking. I would loved to have watched me run into something.

And what stinks is that I can't let up. lol. All I can do is laugh at how complicated my life has become. So here's where I'm at.

Paper due Friday on houses as historical sources. YAY.

I have a test on Friday in a class for which I have done hardly any of the reading. And I fell asleep in class today. And usually I care about the professors' perceptions of me. Sorry. Not today. :-P It happened again in my favorite class, in which we talked about the 12 plagues in Egypt and the route that Moses led the Israelites on the Exodus. I think checked out in between, because we had a ten minute break and the person in front of my had to poke me. Otherwise, I remember everything else. SO GOOD.

I'm transitioning into a new living space, and trying to get used to the norms already in place within said space. It won't be too bad, it just feels awkward for me right now.

Trying to find a job, preferably on campus. Cool.

Oh, it could definitely be worse. I don't even want to think about that.

LOL. Life is hilarious. All I can do is keep going and trust Matt 6.

Day 31

OH YEAH. I pulled my latest study night ever last night, finally making it back to the dorm room at 2:30 AM. My mind was so actively engaged in my studies that it took me awhile to wind down.

So I had a pretty good day. I woke up this morning, went to a meeting with the Resident Director to make my final move-out arrangements. Since that took all of six minutes, I then went to breakfast for the first time on a weekday and ate an omelete, sausage biscuit and something else. And I burnt my tongue when I took a sip of coffee. That was pretty much the worst thing that happened all day. The burning of the tongue, that is.

From there, I went to pretty much the least interesting class ever, but I managed to retain that I have a test next Friday, which will be fun considering I haven't read anything about the history of southern Africa since the start of the class. When you have another class that requires a five page paper every Friday, that tends to take priority over the reading about Shaka and the Zulu kingdom.

As requested by the resident director, I spent my afternoon trying to get as many roommate agreements done as I could. It took an approach that I normally would not take in order to get them done: ambush. Knock on the door, and if they were both there, do the agreement. Or find one of them coming up the stairs and ask if their roommate was there. I hated doing this, but it was all I really could do: people have gotten pretty good at avoiding me if they know I need something from them. I was able to get several done before half of my stack skipped town to go to Seattle for the weekend.

Around 5:00, I decided that I needed to slack line. So, slack line I did. And ran into a few friends, as I tend to do. It was great to get out and be outside after a week of doing nothing but being busy. I had a good laughing fit, and only got happier as I got a call from my new roommate: Yes. I have a place to live! I'll be moving into a house/apartment thing off campus on Sunday or Monday, which will be exciting. I will have a roommate, but will also be living with 13 other guys, so it'll be nuts, but a ton of fun.

My night only got better when I conquered a route on the rock wall that I had been working since spring of last school year, and got to climb some serious top-rope with a newly belay certified climbing buddy. It took me about 15 minutes to untangle my harness and make it symmetrical. And I met someone working at the rock wall that went to Clark College, so that's always fun. My hands are shredded to little bits and pieces and have the "glisten" on the fingertips that I think comes with the shedding of a layer of skin, but hopefully they'll be somewhat healed by tomorrow night in time to bass it up for what will seem like a long time.

My weekend will be nuts. I've just accepted it as fact.

Day 30- So I May As Well Just Say It

Last Saturday night, after spending the five days prior exhausted, not sleeping through the night, and not eating, I made the decision to quit my job as a Resident Advisor. Actually, the decision came Friday night. But I acted on it on Saturday, and handed in my resignation on Monday. So, as of Monday, I will have no place to live.

Well, that's not necessarily true. I've been in contact with a guy who PROBABLY has a place for me. I'm waiting to hear back on what the landlord says. So hopefully I'll know soon. The real thing I'm starting to be concerned about is money and where it's coming from. I can only keep thinking on Matthew 6 and know that God will provide. I'll need a job, is what it comes down to. But I'll think about that once I have a place to live locked down.

On another note, I'm REALLY excited to play for church this weekend. I'll be playing four one-hour services, one on Saturday night and three on Sunday. The thing is that it's a baptism weekend, which means I really am playing for upwards of four hours this weekend. I'm playing my bass as much as I can in between now and then to get my fingers calloused as I can get them; I haven't played much in the last week. I will say, though, that in-ear monitors are weird as all get out, but once you get used to them, they are AMAZING! I get my own PERSONALIZED mix, with as much of everything as I want. Which means that I can have the kick-drum at a different level than the rest of the kit, and no back-up vocals and only lead vocals. And the rhythm guitar at a different volume than what's coming out of an amp! WHICH..BY THE WAY.. I can't hear because the monitors cut out just about everything that isn't within the mix itself. SO. If the guitarist is using an amp, all I can hear of it is in my monitors. The coolest thing ever. And there's no speaker to trip over.

I'm doing a lot better, and people have noticed that the old Brandon is coming back. It was hard to explain to my residents (whom I from now on I shall refer to as friends :-D) that it wasn't them. I guess they liked me. They almost talked me back into it.

Day 29-Getting Better

I'm doing much better now, at least according to those that know my situation, which I will divulge once the dust has begun to settle. I had my first laughing fit in a week on Sunday morning, and I realized how out of shape I was. I used to be able to laugh for five minutes until my abs hurt. I made it about one minute. Last night I had another one, but it didn't seem nearly as productive. Maybe I just haven't been around people that can make me laugh really hard really often. Or I could be dealing with a lot of different circumstances all colliding within the same time frame. School is really hard right now. One class is mind blowing in terms of process and the work load (we're talking one 400 pg book a week, in addition to 5-6 20ish pg articles.) The other is mind blowing in that I really don't care about the information so I don't really retain any of it. And another is just RAD. Ancient Israel is the rad one. I just found out that the "serpant" in Genesis 3 is only translated as "serpant" if it's read as a noun. If it's translated as a verb, it means "the deceiver" or "the shining one." In this case, they all mean essentially the same thing, so it's just REALLY cool. ANYWAY. Gosh, I love nerd moments.

I head off for my first worship team practice at Christ the King Community Church in like two minutes. I'm a little nervous because I haven't heard about half of the songs that we're supposed to play. And I haven't played or met my bandmates yet. But I'm really excited to play with people. This weekend is a baptism weekend in which people are being baptized during the time that the pastor is normally speaking. Which will be SO cool. And I get to be there for FOUR services! Hopefully I don't have to work too hard. Sunday will be a big day in terms of a lot of things.

Day 25- If I Swore, I Would Now.

WHAT A WEEK. So many ups and downs. It's basically been moments of pure joy sandwiched between moments of stress overload. I just realized about an hour ago that I did something every night this week haven't slept through the night, have eaten one meal a day since Sunday (which usually consisted of a half slice of pizza or something,) and have had what basically amount to two-ish break-downs. Depending on what you constitute as breakdowns.

Basically, if you're a prayer, just pray for peace and wisdom in decision making, yes, in general, but specifically pertaining to my job.

That's really all I can say.

Day 21

Today shouldn't have been as bad as it was. Honestly, it shouldn't have. The sun was shining, the temperature maxing out at about 75 degrees F. They are the days I dream of, days in which I can skip class without regret, climb, slackline until my legs hurt, lay in the grass and just laugh for a friggen' long time.

However, while I finally thought I kicked the restlessness, at about 12 PM I had the sudden urge to walk out of class, quit everything, and move someplace friggen far away. While I wasn't about to take action on my sudden burst of spontanaeity, I can't understand what would possess my mind to even THINK about it. Yeah, adventure. Risk, sure. But REALLY!?

I wonder if it's because I'm scared. There's a lot that I'm stressing on, and I don't exactly respond well to stress (as those of you have been around me can attest.) It's stuff that I just have to plug through and not be scared of, and yet my first thought is to escape it all and do exactly what I want to do. Which is go to Boulder, CO, snowboard, and climb rocks. A LOT.

Day 20

The weekend is almost over, which means that things should be calming down around here. I was able to make the most of my days. I did some hiking and hung out all day yesterday. Today I went to church (AMAZING. You don't know how good it feels to be there until you haven't been) then did some slack lining, did some rapelling/ climbing with my suitemate, and then went climbing in the gym. To top it all off, I connected with a friend I felt as though I hadn't seen for awhile due to work schedules.

So now I come to the part where I have to finish up all the work that's due tomorrow. Which thankfully isn't that much, just about a hundred pages of reading. I should be done soon, I suppose. Tomorrow is my ridiculous day, starting at 10 AM with classes and ending at probably 9-10 with Beta/Gamma Hall Council.

Otherwise, I'm holding up well. Being at church felt super good, and I was very encouraged to see several school friends there, including my friend Rebecca, whom I went to high school with and had not seen since last summer (I don't think.) I am still working on reading through the Bible, and am almost done with 1st Kings (I started in mid-August I think.) I'm tired, but keep pushing, as I am well accustomed to doing.

Day 16-OH the rock wall.

So now that I live someplace that I can actually climb without driving for a half hour, I'm back in the gym trying to get strong again. As my hands redevelop the once-prevalent calouses, my forearms maintain a steady pump, and my fingers feel stiff from the amount of pressure that comes from crimping down on holds no larger than my fingernails, it feels good to hurt, to focus my mind, and to move and try to be fluid in all of my moves. Climbing now feels more like a dance to me. I don't care so much about how good of a climber I am on the V-scale, rather, I desire to climb stuff that's higher than 12 ft off the ground.

Basically, I want to lead. I want to climb high, to be scared, to look down and know that if I make a mistake, it'll be many feet before the belayer arrests my fall. I find myself craving those moments where all that matters is you and the rock.

So I'm really looking forward to this year. Classes start tomorrow, and I'm so ready to have something to do besides be an RA. Climbing today was a much needed break, and I got out to Boulevard Park to do some slacklining as well.

Oh, Bellingham, how I love thee!.

Day 13

I felt at times back in Vancouver and on raft camps as though I was viewed as the "left-wing-liberal-hippy-dude." I identify as a feminist, don't like to kill or disturb things in nature without cause, and am against drilling for oil in Alaska and for taking care of the earth God gave us in-general. I believe in loving people as Christ loved us, and I believe that love is a revolution all its own.

For some reason, subscribing to these beliefs makes me a pacifist. I'm not entirely comfortable with this label, simply because I've read the Old Testament. I also speak from limited experience, considering that I have little in this life to protect and defend besides siblings and parents (that live 250 miles away,) and friends up here. As I read through the Bible, I find myself looking for Godly expressions of masculinity, and I am firmly convinced that you can identify as a man and not kill or hurt people.

And yet I struggle with the huge amounts of people that have been killed during "the furthering of God's kingdom." The Old Testament looks a heck of a lot like genocide to me.

So I don't know if anyone besides me struggles with this. I think of David's example, cutting the corner off Saul's robe (1 Samuel 24) and how David states that judgement is between person and God, not in between people themselves. And yet it's ok for Joshua to destroy every city he came across while not knowing even one of it's inhabitants?

So. For example, in the way of self-defense, how do you love someone while you kill them?

Day 11 PEOPLE ARE COMING

After ten days of team building, conduct training, program planning, poster making, bulletin board- taping, door dec-hanging and permanent marker-inhaling, residents are beginning to move in to the dorms. I have one that moved in three floors up whom I met in passing at 10:30 PM as I was taping up names on doors. I called it a night about an hour later: two hours earlier than normal.

I am doing very well on energy (such is the life of an extravert,) but my mind is scattered throughout this campus. Talking to my mother last night was both great and frustrating at the same time due to how "everywhere" my mind is. I still have a few fliers to hang up, but otherwise I'm set to meet new people.

I've had a lot of fun seeing people, staying up late talking, slack lining, climbing, making return trips to the quintessential 24-hour destination of a Western student: Haggen foods. I am definitely ready for this school year to get moving.

I still have to do my "love" post. I'll work on that later. Still processing.

Day 6- What is Love? Baby Don't Hurt Me

I've been reading my Bible a lot lately, and I've read a lot of interesting things, since I haven't gotten out of the Pentatuech (sp?) yet.

I just realized that within the context of the Mosaic Covenant, all it took was sex to be joined to someone in marriage. No ceremony, no blessing, no consent, no love (within today's context) as far as I can tell. God gave instructions as to who could be joined to whom in marriage and occasionally what needs to be done as far as marrying outside the faith I'm still in it, so this may be clarified at a later date. I just thought it was interesting.

What does love even mean? We throw it around so much and apply it to so many different situations, never pausing to think about what we're even saying. As a result the meaning has become so convoluted that we don't know what love even LOOKS like. Sex for the sake of sex is by no means love, nor are casual comments amongst friends divided by grudges and secrecy. Can you not like someone and love them simultaneously?

This may have to happen later. And in fact it will.

Day 5- TGIF

Oh, thank goodness I've got tonight and tomorrow to "myself." It's still going to involve some work as far as getting programs and bulletin boards ready for residents, but I will be NOT on campus tomorrow, at least during the day. I'm considering a movie tonight, but I haven't figured it out yet.

I'd doing better in some respects. As I get settled back in to living on campus, I feel a bit more like I'm supposed to be here now. I am having a very hard time comprehending what the year and my life in general will look like, but I've accepted that I just can't know, so I've got a great deal of peace about it. Still feeling a bit passive and like I don't fit in as much as I hoped to, but I'm sure it'll get better with time.

I just want to add here that my room smells REALLY good. No, I'm serious. I got this
vanilla-esque air freshener that just makes me happy. I found out this summer that I made my room smell really bad, and all I had to do was smell it once before I made the decision to go with the air freshener.

Oh.

Last night I forgot to set my alarm. Thank goodness for noisy maintenance people. I went the first half of the day without a shower, which was kind of fun, but I had forgotten how much it screws with my psyche to not have a shower in the morning. I did get to show people my hard-boiled- egg- peeling trick, which was very nice. I had been wanting one since I got back from camp, but I don't even like them. Which is really funny. I ate it anyway. I guess I know that they're good for our bodies, and I haven't been able to make my own eggs due to time constraints. I have an awesome schedule this quarter though, despite my classes interfering with when everyone wanted to have our staff meeting. Oops.

HAHA Gotta love stream of concious.

Day 4- Beginning to Feel It

My shins hurt. They tell me they're shin splints. Which I recognize, but they don't hurt that bad, so I really have to option but to push on. My energy reserve is doing ok, though yesterday felt better than today in terms of the amount of energy I felt I was able to offer.

In this 45 minutes that I have to do whatever I want, I'll bring you up to date on this set of posts that will combine to form my blog for the school year of 08'-09'. While they may or may not change from the perspective of the reader, I feel as though I will be approaching them differently than in the past.

As a Resident Advisor at Western Washington University, I am a university employee. This means that what I write could be taken to reflect the school's philosophy of engaging students. I must stress that I will not be writing much about my job. I am not an RA all the time, and as such, I will take off that hat when I approach a subject or idea that I feel is worthy of discussion. Yes, I will likely have some awesome stories come out of this year. This blog is not where you will find them. So I'm doing my best to reflect my feelings and thoughts as an individual, which is what I tried to do in the past, but I just have to be extra careful that I'm not sharing any information other than what is not mine to share.

So, at the beginning of the 08'-09' school year, this is where I'm at as a person. I had an amazing summer that profoundly influenced the way I view things. As I walk the bricks paths in my bare feet, I feel different. Somehow more aware. More likely to challenge things that I feel are misrepresented (within the context of a personal conversation.) And more uncertain than ever about what I'm supposed to do with myself. I feel as though since I don't know where I'll end up, I have nothing specific to do with my attention. Everything in me wants that "something." In a way, I feel somewhat lost in it all. I imagine this is a common feeling with college seniors, but I feel as though have nothing to pursue.

This sentiment explains the title of this string of posts that will comprise my blog this year. I have no idea what my future holds. And no idea of what I've been called to do other than love God and others. As classes begin, I will get much desired structure and hopefully a little more down time.

Fear is my enemy. If I give in to complacency and the fear of failure, I lose nothing but that which I would have gained, and nothing is gained but a false sense of security, as well as a victory for the evil one, who would like nothing more than to keep me from loving God and people to the fullest. Trying becomes what matters. So even if I fail, I will eventually succeed at something, as long as I give it everything I've got.

And now, I get to go learn about "self-authorship" or something. Which basically amounts to sitting in a classroom for the next two hours.

Oh, I'm ready to be done with this training thing already.

Day 2- UGH

So it's way too late right now, and I really should be sleeping, or at least trying to sleep while lectures and discussions on gender roles, sexual orientation, race and ethnicity resonate in my head.

I didn't get back to my room and asleep until about 2:00 AM, which meant that my waking up for 7:15 breakfast was less than desired. Then, I sat in a lecture hall, had lunch, sat in a lecture hall, went on a "photo scavenger hunt," ate dinner, then had a staff meeting, at which point I hung out talking with one of my RA friends until about 15 minutes ago. I'm sort of whooped, and it's only the first day.

I'll check in the next time I have a minute, but they've got us doing stuff for basically the next solid two weeks, with the exception of maybe Saturday if we get enough done during the week. Thank goodness I got those door decs done ahead of time. Thanks to friends and family that helped out with that.

So now it's responding to email, then Leviticus, then some journaling if I'm not knocked out by then.

Cheers,
Brandon